Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
