Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
