i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
