She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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