you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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