fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
