you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
