Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
