Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
