just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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