All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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