mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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