she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
