Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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