I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
