Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
