Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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