Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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