i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Drunk is not a location!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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