saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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