There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
