Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
