I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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