Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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