You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize