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people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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