One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
