Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
