I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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