I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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