I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
