Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
ok first of all what the fuck
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
