yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
