Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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