I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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