M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
