If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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