You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
