I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
