so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
