If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
