I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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