bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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