and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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