I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
