She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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