My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
