Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
