This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
