I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
