I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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