His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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