I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
