I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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