we have officially mastered the walk of shame
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
