Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
