Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
