Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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