watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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