Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
