sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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