Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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