You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
