I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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