Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
