You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
