No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
