dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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