Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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