eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
