I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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