last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
