You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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