My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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