I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
handjob tips. give me some.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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