I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
