I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
