I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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