Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
