at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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