i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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